Digging deeper

The title picture is part of a series inspired by Edward Honaker. In his remarkable works on depression and anxiety disorders, he transformed his own experiences and emotions into pictures. His works made me think a lot and inspired me. He intends to stimulate conversations about mental disorders and generate empathy for those affected. Not everyone experiences or lives with a diagnosed depression, but (almost) everyone experiences situations like depressive phases, fears or loneliness. These are parts of human life, even if they are rarely shown, seen or discussed openly.

For about 2 years now I have been dealing more and more with my own past, with my feelings and memories. I have used my pictures more than before as a possibility for processing and digging deeper, as a possibility to address certain issues and opening up, as a possibility to heal my wounds. Since I have started to get to know myself better on a deeper level over the last two years and to understand many things, I can also allow more dark elements in my pictures and give them their needed space.

In the beginning it was difficult for me to accept this and to use it consciously. I had the feeling that I had to show people beautiful, positive pictures so that they would like them and perhaps also perceive me more positively. Especially in the social media, positive feedback can be like a drug and at the same time a trap. Often it leads you away from yourself, from what you actually want to show. Since my works have often become darker, more thoughtful and more melancholic, they show and tell more about me. It is still often unfamiliar for me to reveal so much, but I notice how this openness also allows for strengthening and healing.

For me art became an important outlet, stabilizer and part of the healing process. Art cannot help me to escape my past, but to overcome it. It gives me no reason for the painful times, but it gives a meaning to my life, it gives me a voice. I cannot change or undo my difficult childhood and youth, I can only pass on the strength and experiences I have gained along this often painful path. I can use my pictures and my texts to transform negative experiences into something positive and productive. Perhaps in this way I can not only heal my own wounds, but also help other people and give them strength along their way.

Note: This is a repost of a text i shared in 2018 on Instagram. I think my new blog is a much better place to store my thoughts and stories that I have written down over the last few years.